Presented here, for your enjoyment, are a series of wav files from television shows that I either could not attribute to any specific show or for which there weren’t enough files to warrant the show having its own page. If you know which show a particular sound is from, please let me know.
aaawwyeaaaaaah.wav – Awwwwwww Yeeeaaaaahhh (unknown)
abfix.wav – Archie Bunker: So why don’t you fix it, meathead, huh? (All in the Family)
abthat.wav – I didn’t say that. (unknown)
abthrill.wav – That was so thrilling. (unknown)
abturn.wav – Archie Bunker: The world keeps turning and every time it turns it leans on me. (All in the Family)
ADDER01.WAV – Look, am I paying for this personal abuse or is it extra? (The Black Adder)
ADDER20.WAV – Orik, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good. (The Black Adder)
alfa.wav – And if you’re wondering if we ever picked up three underage girls in Georgetown, gotten drunk and then crashed their dad’s Alpha Romeo, I would have no idea what you’re talking about. (unknown)
aquaman.wav – Aquaman! You go…. talk to some fish [laughter] (unknown)
ASSKICKN.WAV – I do the ass kicking around here! (unknown)
atmyage.wav – Granny: At my age, you gotta take your fun where you can find it. (Beverly Hillbillies)
bangzoom.wav – Bang! Zoom! (The Honeymooners)
BEACH.WAV – This island that you own. Is it, ah, near the beach? (Married, With Children)
beatle18.wav – I’m Ringo and I play the drums. (unknown)
bhthis.wav – Granny: What have I done to deserve this? (Beverly Hillbillies)
bigoc.wav – What’s the big occasion? (unknown)
bionicfx.wav – Bionic sound effect from The 6 Million Dollar Man
blows.wav – This place blows! (unknown)
bobbafett.wav – Hey, Boba Fet. (unknown)
bras.wav – Peg: I don’t know why we even need bras. Al: I think it’s to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat. (Married, With Children)
breasts.wav – Duckman: Uhhh, sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was staring at your breasts.
BROGERS.WAV – Opening from Buck Rodgers in the 25th Century (the whole song)
BTCHY.WAV – My, aren’t we a witsy bitsy bitchy this evening? (unknown)
buckleup.wav – Buckle up, bonehead, ’cause you’re going for a ride. (unknown)
BUH-BYE!.WAV – SNL plane sketch – “Buh bye.”
BULWNK12.WAV – Boy this stuff is terrible. (sounds like Bullwinkle but I’m not sure)
burn.wav – 1: Bob, mind if I smoke? Bob: I don’t care if you burn! (unknown)
BUSTED.WAV – Oh man, mine’s busted. (unknown)
candaspy.wav – Excuse me? Listen, if you are insinuating that I am a spy, or that any member of my family is a spy, then you’re way off base. Look, just because we’re Canadian does not mean we are spies! (unknown)
cburger.wav – Judge: Order in the court. Female: I’ll have a cheeseburger.
CNDYASS.WAV – You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass. I hope you know something about hand-to-hand combat! (Beavis and Butthead)
CONTROL.WAV 3rd Rock: Okay, that’s it. You are officially out of control.
CRELM.WAV Crelm toothpaste, with the miracle ingredient, fraudulen.
crushing.wav Kids in the Hall: I’m crushing your head.
CYLON.WAV By your command
dharma06.wav Kitty Montgomery: Oh, dear God, just let the earth open up and swallow me.
DIENOW.WAV You’re gonna die now
doom.wav You guys wanna play Doom?
dragnett.wav Dragnet theme
DREW.WAV The ORIGINAL Drew Carey Show theme: Moon Over Parma
drunk.wav And I’m not drunk right now
ed_sul01.wav Ed Sullivan: We have a big show for you tonight
eglanded.wav Tranquiility base here. The Eagle has landed. (Apollo 11 moon landing)
External.wav I’m not sure what the pitch is but it tastes like chicken and it’s outa here. It’s a home run.
fallen.wav I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! (from a classic commercial)
Fallen2.wav I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! (same thing, different woman)
feature.wav [music] And now, we’re pleased to bring you our feature presentation.
FileDone.wav It’s deep and I know it’s not playable.
formon.wav Follow the money, Chris. Massage your dad’s butt.
FRAN.WAV Fran Drescher laughing on The Nanny
freak.wav Poor misguided freak.
freakzilla.wav Freakzilla at scopenet dot com (I believe this is News Radio)
getout.wav Get. Out.
gluvme.wav Gotta luvme (Dinosaurs)
GodzillaDrink-TacpBell.wav Hey, Godzilla, Want something to drink? (the Chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials)
gotmilk-m.wav Got milk?
greatgoogly.wav Great googly moogly (from a Snickers commercial)
halfdead.wav Director: You look pretty good for a dead man. Mulder: I’m only half dead. (X-Files)
heroin.wav [chuckle] Okay, this is like that episode of Star Trek with the parallel universe where everything is exactly the same except everyone is on heroine.
hesnew.wav Man: Hi. I’m Lou Filerman. I’m new here. Woman: Hey, Walter, what is the deal with tat guy? Walter: He’s Lou Filerman. He’s new here.
heykids.wav I’d like ot say Hi to all the kids lookin in the night… Heeey, kids.
HHGTTG2.WAV Deep Thought: The answer to everything, life, the universe, and… everything is… 42
hi-ho.wav Wilson: Hi-ho neighbor (Home Improvement)
HOBBY.WAV So, in the name of security, sir, everyone who enters the room has to have his ‘bottom’ fondled by this drooling pervert. I’m only doing my job. Oh, well, how lucky you are that your job is also your hobby.
HOOTERS.WAV Ted Bundy: No, actually, the family credo is, “Hooters, Hooters, yum, yum, yum. Hooters, Hooters, on a girl that’s dumb.” (Married, With Children)
howdy.wav Minnie Pearl: How-deeeee!
impotence.wav Impotence can be a very embarassing problem
intel.wav Intel jingle
JACKET.WAV 1: Actually, I’m a little chilly. Can I have another straight jacket. 2: Of course.
jeapordy.wav Jeopardy tune (just TRY getting it out of your head now!)
killaman.wav Man: I know over 200 ways to kill a man. Kid: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face then blowtorch the other side so the rats have to eat their way out through his face. … … Man: 201
killer.wav (The Honeymooners) Trixie: I must be smeared, I’ll go fix my lipstick… I won’t be gone long… killer. I call you killer ’cause you slay me. Ralph: And I’m calling Bellvue because you’re nuts!
laffsong.wav (probably from Laugh In) A woman laughs a tune with piano accompaniment
laugh.wav An odd laugh on a talk show
laugh-04.wav Sock It To Me Time! (Includes Richard Nixon)
LLBRAIN.WAV Lucy: Something’s happened to my brain. It’s all dried up.
meathead.wav Archie Bunker: You are a meathead.
missedit.wav (Get Smart) Max: Missed it by that much.
MONKEYS.WAV (Yes, Dear) Jimmy: You will? Greg: Yeah, but before I do you might want to step aside ’cause there’s gonna be some monkeys flyin’ out of my butt.
MONKEYS2.WAV (Yes, Dear) Greg: You might want to step aside ’cause there’s gonna be some monkeys flyin’ out of my butt.
mred.wav Hello, I’m Mr. Ed
mr-ed.wav [neigh] Hello, I’m Mr. Ed
my_fault.wav Alf: You’re acting like this is all my fault.
naughtyparts.wav Church Lady: Well, I guess that makes out naughty parts tingle.
NEENER.WAV (it’s Jason Alexander but I’m not sure from what show) Neener Neener Neener
not_mama.wav Baby: Not the mama! Dad: Ah, neither are you.
notim.wav (Home Improvement) Al: I don’t think so, Tim
NOTMAMA.WAV Baby: NOT the mama!
notnearbutt.wav (Friends) Ross: Okay, my hands were nowhere near your butt
notready.wav Female: I think it’s better for me to not have contact with you because you’re not ready
NOW_LUCY.WAV Ricky: Now, Lucy
ntbud.wav (The Andy Griffith Show) Barney: Nip it in the bud!
NUDIEBAR.WAV (Married, With Children) AL: Where a buck’s enough to see their stuff. Group: At the nudie bar! Male1: Where the breasts may be fake but man, do they shake. Group: At the nudie bar! Male2: Where you swear like a sailor and wish you could nail ‘er. Group: At the nudie bar! Al: Where the cops are at the door and there’s a Kennedy on the floor. Group: At the nudie bar!
nudity.wav I’m Troy McClure and I’ll leave you with what we all came here to see: Hardcore Nudity!
oldgam.wav When you’s old enough to gamble you’s can sit up there! But until that time, as the Good Lord says, SHUTUP!!
oooo.wav Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh!
o-tay.wav (Little Rascals) O-Tay!
ovrload.wav The computer’s overloaded. Too much data coming in too fast.
pat.wav SNL – Pat making a groaning noise
penis_dg.wav (Dharma and Greg) Kitty: Well, I am not going to stand here while you people keep saying ‘penis’
philhartman-worship.wav All this can be yours if you bow down and worship me
phonelesson.wav Simpsons: I’ll teach you how to use a phone, you boob! [slam] D’oh! [slam] D’oh! [slam] D’oh! That’s for you. [slam] D’oh!
prizemoney.wav I’m kidding! There is no prize money. Well, there was prize money but we spent it on hookers.
psycho.wav Seinfeld: I think we’ve proven who the psycho is.
ralph11.wav Ralph Cramden: You’re a riot, Alice, a regular riot. I hope they like those jokes on the moon because that’s where you’re goin’.
ralph16.wav Ralph Cramden: Bang! Zoom!
satan.wav Church Lady: Could it beeeeeee SATAN!?
scotcrap.wav Welcome to “All Things Scottish,” where our motto is if it’s not Scottish it’s CRAP!
scullyxfiles.wav But on the ‘net, Mulder, he can find out practically anything about you.
SEXACTIV.WAV Okay so you have some problems. With women, actually. You’re not sexually active? I’m very sexually active! With another person. Ehhh… no.
SEXSEX.WAV Oh, God, I’m exhausted. Sex, sex, sex all night long.
SEXTOP10.WAV Letterman: Top 10 signs your spouse/mate may be having an affair on the computer.
Shaq-TacoBell.wav Chihuahua: What did you expect? Shaquile O’Neil?
Showsover.wav Kramer: Alright, show’s over.
slinky.wav Slinky song
SLUG.WAV If you try to hold my hand, I’ll slug you.
sn_nosoup.wav No soup for you!!
snl001.wav Jane, you ignorant slut
snl002.wav Do you want to touch my monkey?
soitnly.wav Curly: Oh, soitenly!
spiffy.wav Col. Potter: Look at you. You’re spiffier than a petunia in a patch of chigger weed.
STARINAT.WAV What the hell are YOU starin’ at!?
startrek.wav If you can’t score at a Star Trek convention you might as well be dead
Startup.wav Gentlemen, start you engines [theme]
STOOGE08.WAV Moe: This is all your fault, you
stooges3.wav Curly: What’s the matter, you got a cold too? Lady: No. How’s your cold? Curly: Oh, pretty good but I still don’t smell so good. Man: I’ll say you don’t
stuff.wav Letterman: By the way, ladies and gentlemen, this stuff in lieu of actual entertainment
swede.wav Sweedish chef
tacobell.wav Yo q’iero Taco Bell
tacobless.wav Bless you Taco Bell
TacoRevolution-TacoBell.wav A taco revolution! I am there.
TAGRUNT2.WAV Tim Allen grunt
TEMPER.WAV Oh, temper temper.
tgspirit.wav Ugh, turkey. Giving thanks, blech. Phoebe: Look, everyone, it’s the spirit of thanksgiving
thanksmr.wav Drew Carey: Wow, gee, thanks, mister.
think.wav Curly: I’m tryin’ to think but nothin’ happens
TIM-ALLE.WAV Tim allen grunt
timessex.wav How many times have you had sex? … With actual people?
tootsie_pop.wav Classic “how many licks” Tootsie Pop commercial
TOUCHYOU.WAV Third Rock from the Sun: Not in the car, not in the bar, not in the house, not up your blouse. I cannot touch you here or there, I cannot touch you anywhere!
UNDEROOS.WAV Hi Mike, howya… Hey! You’re ripping up my Underoos.
UNZIP.WAV Married, With Children: Peg, unzip it.
violent.wav Due to some violent content, parental discretion is advised.
vitamin.wav Lucy: Hello, friends. I’m youre Vitameatavegimine girl.
VivaGorditas-TacoBell.wav Viva gorditas!
whyidothat.wav Friends: I don’t know why I do that.
whyimpotent.wav He wants to know why he’s impotent. He wants to know what he can do about it.
wrong.wav What is wrong with you!!??
yallcome.wav Y’all come back, hear?
YESYES.WAV It’s orgasmic. That’s all I can say.
you_rang.wav [gong] Lurch: you rang?
youcant.wav You Can’t Do That on Television theme
YOURANG.WAV [gong] Lurch: you rang?
YQTB-TacoBell.wav Yo q’iero Taco Bel