Two nerdish boys attempt to create the perfect woman, but she turns out to be more than that.

Gary: Anthony Michael Hall, Lisa: Kelly LeBrock, Chet: Bill Paxton, Ian: Robert Downey Jr.

booze.wav Chet: The booze hounds return… what a joke. Hi girls.

bras.wav Wyatt: By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads? Gary: Ceremonial.

cheteggs.wav Chet: Hey, that looks pretty good. Now make yourself one, dickweed.

coverslf.wav Chet: For Christ sake, will you cover yourself!?

didwhat.wav Gary: You know what the bitch did to me? Guy: Lay it on me. Gary: Check this shit out, listen to what she did to me. She… Lisa: She kneed you in the nuts and called him a faggot in front of everybody. Guy: She did what? Guy2: Bitch kneed your nuts? Gary:  Bitch kneed my nuts. I’m not playin’ with your ass…

drinkit.wav Gary: Uh… what’s this, sir? Guy: Drink it!

evrynite.wav Guy: Every damn night?

fiddler.wav Chet: Time to pay the fiddler.

howsad.wav Lisa: Have you ever wondered how sad it is that your son’s only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom? Mom: Oh, Gary!… Gary: Mom, I NEVER tossed off to anything. Mom: You told me you were combing your hair. Gary: I was! I was combing my hair…

insane.wav Guy: Crazy insane? Guy2: Insane? Gary: I was nuts for the woman, man. Now, you gotta believe me. I tellin the truth here. I speakin to ya. I was nuts for the girl.

lastyear.wav Gary: Crashman, let me tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy little 8th grade bitch.

lkngood.wav Gary: I was nuts for the girl. And what did it to me was these big titties she had.  For a 13 year old girl, man. She wouldn’t have had to worry about no titties for the rest of her life. I mean, she was set. She was lookin good.

maniacs.wav Lisa: So, what would you little maniacs like to do first?

morgue.wav Chet: You two donkey dicks couldn’t get laid in a morgue.

nitelife.wav Gary: Bang. We hit the city, baby, dead-on. A few drinks, a little night life, dancing… We’ll throw a huge party, I mean huge party. Everybody’s invited.

porksand.wav Chet: How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

realparty.wav Lisa: You know, there’s going to be sex, drugs, rock & roll. Chips, dips, chains, whips… you know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, I’m not talking candle wax on the nipples or witchcraft or anything like that. Just a couple hundred kids running around in their underwear acting like complete animals.

sprain.wav Gary: Anything bigger than a handful, you’re risking a sprained thumb.

stewwed.wav Chet: You’re stewed, buttwad.

system.wav Gary: No, I’m not talking about digging up a dead girl, Wyatt. I’m talking about your system – your computer.