┬áThe story of a man who wanted to keep the world safe for democracy…and meet girls. Two friends who are dissatisfied with their jobs decide to join the army for a bit of fun.

John Winger: Bill Murray, Russell Ziskey: Harold Ramus, Pvt. Dewey ‘Ox’ Oxberger: John Candy, Sgt. Hulka: Warren Oates, Lady in Cab: Fran Ryan, Capt. Stillman: John Larroquette, Pvt. Francis ‘Psycho’ Soyer: Conrad Dunn, Dowager in cab: Fran Ryan

abuse_str.wav Winger: I don’t think I want to take your abuse.

allover_str.wav It’s all over with now.

bad_day.wav Winger: I’ve had an interesting morning. In the last two hours, I’ve lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend. Ziskey: You still have your health.

badtouch.wav Psycho: Don’t you ever touch me again.

basicprob.wav Winger: So, the basic problem is that I’m still around?

bcareful.wav Lady: Would you be careful with those!

blownup.wav Where’s your Drill Sergeant, men? Winger: Blown up, sir!

cant_take.wav Girlfriend: I just can’t take this anymore.

cantblev.wav Ziskey: I can’t believe we’re doing this.

cantgo.wav Winger: You can’t go! All the plants are going to die.

carwait.wav Winger: We had a car waiting.

coughsyrup.wav Dowager: Aren’t you going too fast? Winger: It’s not the speed so much, I just wish I hadn’t drank all that cough syrup this morning.

countonme.wav Lt: You can count on me.

czech.wav Winger: C’mon, it’s Czechoslovakia, we zip in, we pick ’em up, we zip right out again. We’re not going to Moscow. It’s Czechoslovakia. It’s like going into Wisconsin.

depression.wav Winger: And then, depression set in.

dynamo.wav Winger: You’re a sexual dynamo.

eatluggage.wav Winger: Madame, perhaps you’d like to eat your luggage?

enlist.wav Winger: But there is one thing that we all have in common. We were all stupid enough to enlist in the army.

factjack.wav Winger: That’s a fact, Jack!

finkill.wav All I know is I finally get to kill somebody.

fthis.wav Hulka: F**k this!

gdmorning.wav Ziskey: Good morning.

getinshape.wav Winger: I gotta get in shape.

goodnews.wav Winger: Yeah, that’s good news.

heavyrv.wav Winger: We got one heavily armed recreational vehicle here, man.

humor.wav Dowager: If that’s humor, don’t bother.

incoming_str.wav Hulka: INCOMING!!

inhurry.wav Lady: I’m in a hurry.

itsucks_str.wav Winger: I think it sucks.

killed.wav Dowager: WE’RE GOING TO BE KILLED!!!

litenupfrancis.wav Hulka: Lighten up, Francis.

lmfm.wav Winger: You’re a lean, mean fighting machine!!! Ox: I’ll do it!!

mamanothere.wav Hulka: Your mamas are not here to take care of you now.

momhome.wav Winger: Mom! I’m home!

monastary.wav Ziskey: We could join a monastery. Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly f**ked by some teenage girls? Ziskey: Never. Winger: So much for the monastery.

movie.wav Ox: Excuse me, stewardess, is there a movie on this flight?

neverb4.wav Ziskey: I’ve never done this before.

nicegoin.wav Nice goin’ asshole.

notfunny_str.wav It’s not funny.

nothomo.wav Ziskey: No, we’re not homosexuals, but we are willing to learn.

notlookbad.wav Winger: This doesn’t look bad.

notparking.wav Hey, this is a loading zone. You can’t park here. Winger: We’re not parking it, we’re abandoning it.

ntrsting.wav Winger: Well, that was interesting.

nvrgone.wav Lady: I’ve never gone this way before. Winger: Well, I’m sure there are a lot of ways I’ve gone that you haven’t.

ohshit_str.wav Hulka: Oh shit.

okhotshot.wav Hulka: [chuckle] Okay, hotshot, we’re going to see what kind of soldier you are.

prtywthyou.wav Winger: I want to party with you, cowboy.

shootyou.wav Ah, you look like a sensitive, intelligent guy… don’t make me shoot you.

shtupok.wav Hulka: Shutup. Ox: Okay, sir.

specialolym.wav Ziskey: I think you’re ready for the Special Olympics.

stoopid_str.wav Winger: STOOPID!

surprprty.wav Winger: What the? A surprise party? I’ll kill ya. Who’s idea was this?

thinkhard.wav Hulka: I want you to think real hard about it. Then, maybe someday, you’ll understand what the hell I’m talking about.

training.wav Cmdr: Where the hell have you been, son? Winger: Training, sir. Group: Training, sir! Cmdr: What kind of training, son? Winger: AAAArmy training, sir!

walkin.wav Ziskey: Hey, we’re walking.

weleave.wav Ziskey: Listen, if this is going to get you in trouble we’ll leave, alright?

whatnow_str.wav So, what do we do now?

whydown.wav Ziskey: What’s everybody so down about? Didn’t everyone make it with a beautiful MP tonight, eh?

worried.wav Winger: God, I’m worried about you.

youknow.wav Hulka: You think you know something about everything, don’t you.