Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond.

Turkish: Jason Statham, Tommy: Stephen Graham, Brick Top Polford: Alan Ford, Mickey O’neil: Brad Pitt, Bullet Tooth Tony: Vinnie Jones, Mullet: Ewen Bremner, Franky Four Fingers: Benicio Del Toro, Vinny: Robbie Gee, Sol: Lennie James, Cousin Abraham “Avi” Denovitz: Dennis Farina, Boris “The Blade” Yurinov: Rade Serbedzija, Darren: Jason Flemyng, Doug “The Head” Denovitz: Mike Reid, Tyrone: Ade, Neil: William Beck, Errol: Andy Beckwith,John: David Legeno, Liam: Mickey Cantwell, Sausage Charlie: Peter Szakacs

badmoment_sn.wav Brick Top: Hope this is not a bad moment.

balls_sn.wav Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on either side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls. Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer. Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little  mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you’ve got your parties mangled up. There’s no pussy here, just a dose that’ll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you’ve got “Replica” written down the side of your gun. And the fact that I’ve got “Desert Eagle point five O” written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now… F**k off!

bodies_sn.wav Vinny: And we have got to get rid of these bodies. That one over there with the tea cozie on his head is starting to stink. Sol: Right. Let’s stick them in the car, then go and look for a pig farm.

bonetaste_sn.wav Man: Well, thanks for the tip, Brick Top. Brick Top: Listen you f***ing fringe, if I throw a dog a bone I don’t want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I’m walking and I’ll cut your f***ing jacobs off.

dogdribble_sn.wav Tyrone: I don’t want that dog dribbling on my seats. Vinny: Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

fed2pigs_sn.wav Turkish: Tommy, why’s your skin leaking? Tommy: I’m a little worried, actually, Turkish? Turkish: Worried about what? Tommy: What happens if the gypsy knocks the other man out? I mean, he’s done it before, hasn’t he? Turkish: We get murdered before we leave the building and I imagine we get fed to the pigs. Tommy: Well I’m glad to see you’re climbing the walls with f***ing anxiety. … Pardon my cynicism but I don’t exactly trust the pikey.Turkish:  Don’t think I haven’t thunk about that one, Tommy. It’s his mum’s funeral tonight, God bless her. You know how those gypsies like a drink at a wake. I’m not worried about if Mickey knocks the other man out, I’m worried about whether Mickey makes it to the fourth f***ing round. Tommy: What if he doesn’t make it to the fourth round? Turkish: We get murdered before we leave the building and I imagine we get fed to the pigs. Tommy: So, why are you so calm? … I said…Turkish: I heard what you said, Tommy. It’s not as though we’ve got a choice, now is it? You show me how to control a wild f***ing gypsy and I’ll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.

fukd_sn.wav Turkish: Now… we’re f***ed

funnyangle_sn.wav  Vinny: No, don’t move it now. Otherwise, people will see the damage. What’d you do that for? Tyrone: I didn’t see it there. Vinny: It’s a four ton truck, Tyrone. Its not as though its a bag of f***ing peanuts now is it? Tyrone: It was at a funny angle. Vinny: It’s behind you Tyrone. When you reverse, things come at you from behind.

getaway_sn.wav Vinny: I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the f**k can he get away from?

greedypig_sn.wav Brick Top: You’re always going to have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you? Brick Top: Then, when you got your six pieces, you got to get rid of them. ‘Cause it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? … Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.  You gotta starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a piss-head. You gotta shave the heads of your victims and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion.  You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sifting through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least 16 pigs to finish the job in one sitting so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume 2 pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression “as greedy as a pig.” Sol: Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off my mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the f**k you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.

heartburn_sn.wav Jeweler: You have kept us waiting for half an hour. Are you trying to give me heartburn?

hostility_sn.wav Errol: That sounds like hostility, doesn’t it, John? John: And we don’t like hostility, do we Errol? Errol: No we don’t, John.

howlong_sn.wav 1: How long we gotta stay here? 2: As long as it takes, now shut up.

london_sn.wav Avi: London A: London Avi: London B: London? Avi: Yes, London. You know… fish, chips, cup o’ tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary-f***ing-Poppins… London!

lvcountry_sn.wav Avi: I don’t like leaving my own country Doug, and I especially don’t like leaving it for anything less then warm, sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats!

natidiot_sn.wav Vinny: A natural f***ing idiot.

nemesis_sn.wav Brick Top: Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an ‘orrible cunt… me!

nogo_sn.wav Vinny: I don’t wanna go in there. You’ll never see me again.

partner_sn.wav Turkish: He’s my partner. It doesn’t mean we hold hands or take windy walks.  What it really means is I try to keep him out of as much trouble as he inflicts on me.

predictability_sn.wav Turkish: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

promising_sn.wav Avi: That sounds promising. What are we waiting for?

sausages_sn.wav Turkish: What’s happening with those sausages, Charlie?

shotgun_sn.wav Sol: What’s that? Vinny: This… is a shotgun, Sol. Sol: It’s a f***ing anti-aircraft gun, Vincent. Vinny: Yeah, well, I want to raise some pulses, don’t I? Sol: You’ll raise hell, never mind pulses.

shutup-bbf_sn.wav Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck.

sillyfb_sn.wav Brick Top/Errol/John: You silly, fat bastard.

somethingterrible_sn.wav Avi: I’m getting heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.

spkenglish_sn.wav Avi: Speak English to me, Tony. I thought this country spawned the f***ing language and so far, nobody seems to speak it.

startshow_sn.wav Vinny: Well let’s not stand on ceremony, mate. Let’s start the show.

stoned_sn.wav Brick Top: Is he f***ing stoned?

susan_sn.wav Avi: So, what should I call you? Should I call you bullet?… Tooth? Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

sweetenuf_sn.wav Brick Top: Go and put the kettle on. Turkish: Do you take sugar? Brick Top: No, thank you, Turkish. I’m sweet enough.

teacozy_sn.wav Lincoln: What has he got a tea cozy on his head for? Sol: To keep his head warm. Lincoln: What happened to him? Sol: He go shot in the face, Lincoln. I would have thought that was obvious. Lincoln: What’d you do that for? Did you mistake him for a rabbit? What do you want me to do about it? Sol: Sort it out. Lincoln: I’m not a f***ing witch doctor. Sol: No, but you are a bad-boy yardie. And bad boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies.Lincoln: I create to bodies. I don’t erase the bodies.

telling_sn.wav Brick Top: I wasn’t asking, I was telling.

thinking_sn.wav Brick Top: It can get you into a lot of trouble, thinking, Errol, I shouldn’t do so much of it.

tootight_sn.wav Vinny: What are we stopped here for? What’s the matter with that space over there? Tyrone: It’s too tight. Vinny: Too tight? You could land a jumbo f***ing jet in there.

whomug_sn.wav Sol: Who is going to mug two black fellows, holding pistols, sat  in a car that’s worth less than your shirt? Vinny: Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend, Desert Eagle, point five-oh. Sol: What have they got to do with anything? Vinny: They’re both staring straight at me.

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