¬†Based on the play “Cyrano de Bergerac”, large nosed C.D. Bales falls for the beautiful Roxanne while she falls for his personality but another man’s looks.

C.D. Bales: Steve Martin, Roxanne Kowalski: Daryl Hannah, Chris McConnell: Risk Rossovich, Dixie: Shelly Duvall

20somethingbetters_rox.wav C.D.‘s list of 20 “something betters” in response to the ‘big nose’ insult.

admireshoes_rox.wav CD: I really admire your shoes. Dork: What? CD: I love your shoes. Dork: What do you mean? CD: And I was just thinking that, as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I’d like to have a pair just like them… I wouldn’t ant to be in your shoes at this particular time and place.

callingfdwise_rox.wav CD: I have a dream. It’s not a big dream, it’s just a little dream. My dream – and I hope you don’t find this too crazy – is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a WISE thing to do! You can’t have people if there houses are burning down saying, “Whatever you do, don’t call the fire department.” That would be bad.

dontknoweverything_rox.wav Roxanne: We don’t know everything, do we?

fire-man_rox.wav Dork: He’s a Fire Man… [laughs]

greatidea-full_rox.wav CD rambles on about the Mayor’s idea.

greatidea-long_rox.wav CD rambles on about the Mayor’s idea.

greatidea-short_rox.wav CD: I think it’s a fantastic idea.

heaving-moist_rox.wav Roxanne: Well, if I do change my mind, you’ll be the first to know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration.

horny_rox.wav CD: How did you feel when you first saw her? Chris: Horny.

hypnotic_rox.wav CD: [clicks] It’s hypnotic, isn’t it.

irony_rox.wav CD: Oh! Irony! Oh, no no, we don’t get that here. See, people ski topless here while smoking dope so irony’s not really a high priority. We haven’t had any irony here since, ah, ’83 when I was the only practitioner of it and I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

irony-full_rox.wav Roxanne: Nobody had a coat? CD: I thought you said you didn’t want a coat? Roxanne: I was being ironic. CD: Oh! Irony! Oh, no no, we don’t get that here. See, people ski topless here while smoking dope so irony’s not really a high priority. We haven’t had any irony here since, ah, ’83 when I was the only practitioner of it and I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

ishouldgo_rox.wav CD: I should go. It’s late and I’ve got a lot of important things to do.

neutered_rox.wav Roxanne: I should have you neutered.