Comedic tale of company workers who hate their jobs and decide to rebel against their greedy boss.
Peter Gibbons: Ron Livingston, Joanna: Jennifer Aniston, Michael Bolton: David Herman, Samir Nagheenanajar: Ajay Naidu, Lawrence: Diedrich Bader,Milton Waddams: Stephen Root, Bill Lumbergh: Gary Cole, Tom Smykowski: Richard Riehle, Anne: Alexandra Wentworth, Dom Portwood: Joe Bays, Bob Slydell: John C. McGinley, Bob Porter: Paul Wilson, Nina: Kinna McInroe, Drew: Greg Pitts
15minwork_os.wav Bob: Would you walk us through a typical day… for you. Peter: Yeah. Well… I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. I use the side door, that way Lumburgh can’t see me. After that I just sorta space out for about an hour… Bob2: Space out? Peter: Yeah. I just stare at my desk. But it looks like I’m working. I do that for, uh, probably about an hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a typical week, I do about 15 minutes of actual, real, work.
2chicks_os.wav Peter: What would do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I tell you what I’d do… Two chicks at the same time, man.
2chicks-full_os.wav Peter: Lawrence, what would do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I tell you what I’d do, man… Two chicks at the same time, man.Peter: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too. ’cause chicks dig dudes with money. Peter: Not all of chicks. Lawrence: The type that would double-up on a dude like me do. Peter: Good point.
alltogether_os.wav Peter: It’s not just about me an my dream of doing nothing. It’s about all of us together.
askyourself_os.wav Bill: So, you should ask yourself – with every decision you make – “Is this good for the company?”
assclown_os.wav Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard. Na-ee-nina-jad Naeeninajad. Michael: Well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton. Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name. Michael: There WAS nothing wrong with it until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
asskicked_os.wav Lawrence: I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.
asskicked-full_os.wav Peter: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you’re not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you ‘sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays’? Lawrence: No… No, man… Shit, no, man I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that, man.
badperson_os.wav Samir: You are a very… bad person.
bestday_os.wav Peter: I feel great. It’s the best day of my life.
buildingonfire_os.wav Milton: If they take my stapler, I’ll have to… I’ll set the building on fire.
cockgobblers_os.wav Michael: cockgobblers!!
deepsht_os.wav Michael: We’re in deep shit. Samir: Yes, we are in very very deep shit.
didntwork_os.wav Michael: Technically it did work. Peter: NO IT DIDN’T!!!!
disagreewithyou_os.wav Bill: I’m going to have to go ahead and… disagree with you there.
doesnthelp_os.wav Samir: That… doesn’t really help us.
donothing_os.wav Lawrence: Well, what about you? What would you do? Peter: Besides two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Well, yeah. Peter: Nothing.Lawrence: Nothing huh? Peter: I would relax. I would sit on my ass all day. I would do nothing: Lawrence: You don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just look at my cousin. He’s broke don’t do shit.
dontcare_os.wav Peter: It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that I don’t care.
fing-a_os.wav Lawrence: F**kin’ A!
fireonfriday_os.wav Bob: We find it’s always better to fire people on a Friday.
firingsgowwell_os.wav Peter: Good luck with your layoffs, alright. I hope your firings go really well.
getmemo_os.wav Bill: Did you get that memo?
goodidea_os.wav Peter: That’s a really good idea.
goodidea-full_os.wav Peter: That’s a really good idea. Lawrence: F**kin’ A, man.
gotojail_os.wav Peter: I might be going away for a while… uh… to jail.
hatejob_os.wav Joanna: I hate this job. I hate this goddam job and I don’t need it!
havemystapler_os.wav Milton: Excuse me… I believe you have my stapler!
howtoinstall_os.wav Michael: Even if I wanted to I wouldn’t know how to install it.
h-shirtday_os.wav Bill: Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day.
justamoment_os.wav Nina: Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking… Just a moment!
laststraw_os.wav Milton: ‘scuse me… SCUSE ME?!!… Okay, but… that’s the last straw.
loseit_os.wav Peter: I gotta get outa here, I think I’m gonna lose it.
mbmusic_os.wav Michael: I told those fudgepackers I liked Michael Bolton’s music.
messedup_os.wav Hypnoguy: Wow, that’s messed up.
miltonrambles_os.wav Milton rambles on about moving his desk and his swingline stapler.
miltonsradio_os.wav Milton rambles on about listening to his radio at a reasonable volume.
mondays_os.wav Anne: Uh oh. Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.
motivation_os.wav Peter: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that I don’t care. Bob: Don’t… don’t care? Peter: It’s a problem of motivation, alright. Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don’t see another dime. So, where’s the motivation? And here’s something else, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now. Bob: Beg your pardon? Peter: Eight bosses. Bob: Eight? Peter: Eight, Bob. So that means that, when I make a mistake, I have eight different people comin’ by to tell me about it. That’s my only real motivation is not to be hassled. That, and the fear of losing my job. But, you know Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
nerdsarebadcrooks_os.wav Michael: You know what I can’t figure out? How is it that all these stupid, neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it.
nocubicles_os.wav Peter: Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day.
nolikejob_os.wav Peter: I don’t like my job and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.
nopanic_os.wav Peter: Alright, nobody panic.
notalkflare_os.wav Joanna: I don’t really like talking about my flare.
notstealing_os.wav Joanna: So, you’re going to make a lot of money, right? Peter: Yeah. Joanna: That isn’t yours? Peter: Well, it becomes ours. Joanna: How is that not stealing?
notsupposedto_os.wav Joanna: I don’t… I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.
o-face_os.wav Drew: Things go well, I might be showing her my O face. You know what I’m talking about… Oh, oh, oh… Oh.
oshit_os.wav Peter: Oh, shit.
paperjam_os.wav Samir: Why does it say paperjam when there is no paper jam. I swear to God, one of these days I’m going to just kick this piece of s**t out the window.
pcloadltr_os.wav Michael: PC Load Letter? What the f**k does that mean?
peopleskills_os.wav Tom: I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people, can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people!?
pos_os.wav Samir: Piece of s**t.
pos-outwindow_os.wav Samir: I swear to God, one of these days I’m going to just kick this piece of s**t out the window.
putupwithit_os.wav Tom: You know there are people in this world that don’t have to put up with this s**t?
quitgettingpissed_os.wav Michael: Hey, quit getting pissed at me, alright. This is all your idea, asshole!
resumeready_os.wav Samir: I have to leave, okay. I have to get my resume’ ready.
roughday_os.wav Peter: I had a rough day.
seethis_os.wav Lawrence: I’m sorry, man, I thought you’d want to see this.
staplerswitch_os.wav Milton talks about his stapler, then threatens to set the building on fire if they take it.
steveoffcrack_os.wav Steve the magazine salesman comes to the door.
sw-works_os.wav Peter: Your software works, right? Michael: Of course it works, that’s not the point.
talkinoutamyass_os.wav Lawrence: I’m sorry, man. Look, I – I – I – I’m talkin’ outa my ass.
tpscover_os.wav Bill: What’s happening… uhhhh… we have sort-of a problem here. Yeah… you apparently didn’t put one of the new cover sheets on your TPS report. Did you see the memo on this?
whatdohere_os.wav Bob: What would you say you do here?
whatwrong_os.wav Tom: What the hell is wrong with you people!?
wtfisthat_os.wav Michael: What the f**k is that?
zonkmeout_os.wav Peter: Is there any way you could just sorta zonk me out so that I don’t know I’m at work?