A fast track lawyer can’t lie for 24 hours due to his son’s birthday wish after the lawyer turns his son down for the last time.

Fletcher Reede: Jim Carrey,  Audrey Reede: Maura Tierney, Max Reede: Justin Cooper, Jerry: Cary Elwes, Mr. Allan: Mitch Ryan, Dana Appleton: Swoosie Kurtz, Greta: Anne Haney, Samantha Cole: Jennifer Tilly

7th-hell.wavReede: I’ve slipped into the seventh circle of HELL!

angryhi.wavReede: HI!!

badsex.wavReede: I’m a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.

barfnoise.wavReede makes a retching noise.

belowbelt.wavReede: Ooh, that was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.

canthapn-ll.wavReede: No no no NO. This can”t HAPPEN!

cantlie.wavReede: I can’t lie!

clikclak.wav – Reede makes a clicking noise.

cmongo-ll.wavReede: C’mon, we gotta go.

confession.wavCop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Reede: Depends on how long you were following me… eesh!
Cop: Why don’t we just take it from the top.
Reede: Here goes… I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!

contempt.wavReede: I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT!!

continuance.wavReede: You Honor, I would like a continuance!

cranky.wavJudge: I am tired, and very cranky

dontask-ll.wavReede: DON’T ASK! For God’s sake, don’t ask!

funniest.wavSr. Partner: That’s the funniest thing I ever heard!

gibberish1.wav – Reede talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

gibberish2.wav – Reede talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

gibberish3.wav – Reede talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

godinhevn.wavReede: GOD in heaven!

good4you-ll.wavReede: Good fer you!

goodcall.wavReede: Good call!

gotagobye-ll.wavReede: Uh, no, gotta go!… Goodbye.

happymoment.wavJerry: This is the happiest moment of my entire life.

hardball-ll.wavHaney: You wanna play hardball?… I’m game

help-ll.wavReede: HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!

heycreepy.wavReede: Hey, creepy

holyhell.wavReede: Holy hell!!

hwmchass.wavReede: Awwwww, how much ass do I have to kiss to make PARTNER around this place?

imagedel.wavReede: Wow, that was a nice image… <click clack> DELETED!

imcrazy.wavAudrey: I just had an insight into myself… I’m CRAZY

imjosecon.wavReede: I’m Jose Conseco!! I’M JOOSSSEEE COOONNNNSSSEEEEEECCCOOOOOOOO!

inconsid.wavReede: I’M AN INCONSIDERATE PRICK!!!!!

kikdaround.wavMom: I am tired of getting kicked around!

kiknmyass.wavGuy: What the hell are you doing?
Reede: I’m kickin’ my ASS! DO YOU MIND??!!

molested.wavGreta: Have you been sexually molested yet, because I could circle the block?

morbidcur.wavJudge: It is out of sheer morbid curiosity I’m allowing this… freak show… to continue

no-ll.wavReede: NOOO!

notall.wavCop: Is that all?
Reede (gritting his teeth): no…

noweakrsex.wavReede: There’s NOOOOOOOOOOOOO such thing as a weaker sex!

objection-ll.wavHaney: Your honor, I object!
Reede: You would!
Haney: BASTARD!
Reede: HAG!
Judge: QUIET!!

ocmon-ll.wavReede: Oh, COMEON!

outofmind.wavAudrey: What were you doing? Are you out of your mind?

owie.wavReede: OOOWWWIE!!

phaseout.wavReede: My plan to phase myself out is almost complete.

phonecall-ll.wavReede: PHONE CALL!! Phone call. I get a phone call!! I GOT A PHONE CALL!!!

razz.wav – If I could spell it, I would

run-nohide-ll.wavLaw Partner: You can run, but you can’t hide.

scream2-ll.wav – Reede screams

scream-ll.wav – Reede screams again

sqlsplat.wav – Squeal and a splat

stopwhining.wavSamantha: You, stop that whining, or I’ll give you something to whine about

suchashit.wavReede: Oh, I’m such a SHIT!

thankgod-ll.wavReede: Oh, thank GOD!

thegame.wavReede: Jordan fades back… swish!… it’s good, and THAT’S THE GAME!

truthfree.wavReede: And the truth shall set you free!!!

urgd-vrygd.wavLaw Partner: Oh, you are good.  You are very very good

urgood-ll.wavLaw Partner: Oh, you are good

whatshoe.wavPilot: What was that?
Copilot: Looked like a SHOE!?

willpower.wavReede: Alright, you can beat this.  It’s all – a – matter – of – willpower!

wreckday.wavReede (Mighty Mouse theme): Here she comes to wreck the daaaayyyy!

wrongwthme.wavReede: What’s wrong with me??

yourevictim.wavReede: You’re the victim here

carreywav.zip – Download ALL the sounds from this page (plus some) in one convenient zip file.