Dr. Ira Kane: David Duchovny, Dr. Allison Reed: Julianne Moore, Harry Block: Orlando Jones, Wayne Grey: Seann William Scott, Gen. Woodman: Ted Levine, Governor Lewis: Dan Aykroyd, Deke: Ethan Suplee, Danny: Michael Bower

ahead_ev.wav Kane: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

amputate_ev.wav Reed: What do we do? Dr: We might have to amputate. Nurse: Bone saw. Harry: Whoa! Doc, don’t take the leg. Ira, don’t let them take my leg.Kane: Is there anything else you can do? He thinks he’s an athlete. Nurse: Wait. Doctor, look. Dr: It’s heading for his testicles. Harry: Take it! Take the leg!!

backside_ev.wav Harry: Look at that backside. Theatre in the round. Now that’s the kind of trunk space you want in a late-model car.

badthing_ev.wav Harry: Is that a bad thing?

badx5_ev.wav Harry: Bad bad bad bad bad.

best-time_ev.wav Kane: This may not be the best time for you boys to be drinking.

bignews_ev.wav Kane: Big news. The most amazing thing.

breathe_ev.wav Wayne: Breathe, dammit, breathe!

bugprob_ev.wav Lady: You have a serious bug problem.

cantbgood_ev.wav Gov: That can’t be good.

canwehaveit_ev.wav Deke: Whoa! Look at that thing! Danny: Hey, can we have that when you guys are done with it?

chairwarm_ev.wav Gov: Keeping my chair warm for me, are you?

crapolla_ev.wav Gov: Alright, put a plug in it. I’m not interested in your bunch of bureaucratic crapolla.

creepyvibe_ev.wav Harry: I’m picking up a heavy, creepy vibe, here.

crotchbiters_ev.wav Gov: Now I oughta throw the whole God-damned, jacked-up bunch of you in prison. Not that cushy Federal place with the loose jumpsuits, state prison with the crotch-biters.

dammit_ev.wav ???: Damn it!!

dampchair_ev.wav Cartwright: If anyone knows what to do about the dampness on my chair… it’s you.

datagone_ev.wav Kane: All the data’s gone: The JPEG files, the DNA sequences – they cleaned us out.

diffprofession_ev.wav Harry: Wouldn’t you be comfortable in a different profession? One where people’s lives were not dependent on you?

digginthis_ev.wav Harry: Hey, I’m diggin’ this.

embarassing_ev.wav Harry: Would you please stop because you’re embarrassing me.

empty_ev.wav Sgt: It’s empty, sir.

eradicated_ev.wav Gov: I am happy to report that absolutely all remaining traces of the alien menace have now been eradicated.

escortout_ev.wav Woodman: Soldier, escort these men out.

expected_ev.wav Guard: Alright, drive straight down to the command tent. They’re expecting you – straight down.

explosions_ev.wav Gov: I don’t see anything burning. Where are all the explosions?

firetruck_ev.wav Gov: Hey! What’s that fire truck doing out there?

fullsupport_ev.wav Gov: You have my full support to do whatever you need to do.

glad2see_ev.wav Harry: Come on, admit it. You’re glad to see us.

gonnablow_ev.wav Kane: we gotta get outa here – this thing’s gonna blow!

gonnalove_ev.wav Wayne: If you guys like that thing, you’re gonna love this.

gonnalove-nr_ev.wav (same as above but with noise reduction applied)

gonnamakeit_ev.wav Wayne: She’s gonna make it! She’s gonna make it.

googamoogle_ev.wav Harry: Great googa moogle!!

gottago_ev.wav Harry: WE GOTTA GO!!

gottakill_ev.wav Kane: we gotta kill these things while we still can.

govtctrl_ev.wav Reed: The simple fact is, this research must continue under careful government control and scrutiny.

halfaclik_ev.wav Harry: There’s an old abandoned silver mine about half a clik south of here. We can sneak into the cave through there. Kane: Half a clik! What are you, in Vietnam? Harry: Hey, I’m diggin’ this. Work with me, baby, work with me.

helpyou_ev.wav Guard: Can I help you?

herewego_ev.wav Harry: Here we go.

hornsin_ev.wav Gov: Pull your horns in there, boys.

horriblehere_ev.wav Harry: It’s horrible in here!!

horseshit_ev.wav Kane: This is horse s**t.

how2deal_ev.wav Gov: I want to know it now and I want to know it quick: How are you supposed to deal with this?

icecream_ev.wav Reed: Can I get you anything? Do you need anything? Harry: Ice cream. I’d like an ice cream, please. Reed: What flavor? Harry: Doesn’t matter – it’s for my ass.

icehump_ev.wav Reed: I’m just a humorless ice maiden in need of a good humping.

imout_ev.wav Danny: Okay, I’m out!

impressed_ev.wav Kane: I’m impressed

ishouldtell_ev.wav Reed: There’s something I feel I should tell you but I don’t know exactly how.

itsaboy_ev.wav Harry: Mazaltov! It’s a boy.

jumboenema_ev.wav Woodman: What the hell are those guys doing with that ladder? Gov: It looks like they’re getting ready to administer a jumbo enema.

kanemadness_ev.wav Reed: Do you happen to remember what the soldiers called this illness, Doctor Kane? Kane: Yeah, they called it the Kane Madness.

keepback_ev.wav Wayne: Keep those people back, this is an emergency!

letsdothis_ev.wav Wayne: Let’s do this.

letsgo_ev.wav Harry: Let’s go!

lingerie_ev.wav Kane: If I were a giant, nasty, alien bird in a department store, where would I be? Harry: Lingerie. Kane: Not you, the bird. Harry: Lingerie.

lonesome_ev.wav Harry: Are you sure you can handle this by your lonesome?

lookat-thing_ev.wav Deke: Whoa! Look at that thing.

losingit_ev.wav Harry: You… are losing it, pal.

lubricant_ev.wav Nurse: I’ll get the lubricant. Dr: There’s no time for lubricant. Harry: THERE’S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!

makesmenervous_ev.wav Gov: Makes me very damn nervous.

merciful_ev.wav Gov: Great merciful Christ.

napalm_ev.wav Soldier: That’s a lot of napalm.

napalm-full_ev.wav Soldier: That’s a lot of napalm. Woodman: Yes it is. We’re going to blow those damn creatures straight to hell. We’ll flush them out along the mine shafts, then mop up the edges as they run trying to escape the flame.

nasty_ev.wav Wayne: Oh… nasty!

nocowboy_ev.wav Kane: It looks like we’re under the microscope here so let’s be very systematic and subtle in what we do. No cowboy stuff.

nodie_ev.wav Wayne: Don’t you dare die on me!

nofollow_ev.wav Harry: Would you stop following me, please? Thank you.

nogovt_ev.wav Kane: We call no one, tell no one, this is our secret, right? Harry: What about the government? Isn’t this the kind of thing they usually get involved in? Kane: No. No government. I know those people. Absolutely not.

noidea_ev.wav Kane: You have no idea.

noimagine_ev.wav Harry: You cannot imagine what I’ve seen in there!

noleave_ev.wav Harry: Don’t leave town.

nopuss_ev.wav Harry: Just ’cause I’m a schoolteacher don’t make me a p***y.

nosex_ev.wav Kane: It’s mitosis – that’s how they reproduce. Harry: No sex? Kane: They don’t have time for sex. Nadine: Bummer.

notagain_ev.wav Harry: DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!

notakeit_ev.wav Harry: We’re not gonna bend over and take this!

notavail_ev.wav Woodman: Unfortunately, I’m not available.

notime2act_ev.wav Kane: We do not have time for you to act like you know what you’re doing.

onfinal_ev.wav Danny: Is this going to be on the final? Kane & Harry: Yes.

payback_ev.wav Harry: IT’S PAYBACK TIME!!!!

pcmonitor_ev.wav Kane: So, you tapped my phone? Woodman: No. We’re not the KGB, Ira. Soldier: Actually, we’ve been monitoring your computer. Harry: His computer? All those girls in the photos are over 18. Soldier: Yes, I’m sure.

peculiar_ev.wav Harry: Now that’s … really peculiar.

prison_ev.wav Gov: Now I oughta throw the whole God-damned, jacked-up bunch of you in prison.

radioface_ev.wav Wayne: Now that’s a face for radio.

repeat_ev.wav Wayne: Could you repeat that?

rubfunk_ev.wav Harry: Rub some funk on it.

saveyou_ev.wav Wayne: Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m here to save you.

schoolteacher_ev.wav Harry: And all this time I thought you were just a schoolteacher.

sciencestinks_ev.wav Harry: Some times science stinks.

scientist_ev.wav Harry: Hey. Beneath this calm, sexy exterior beats the heart of a true scientist.

seenmovie_ev.wav Harry: I seen this movie. The black dude dies first.

sgdancer_ev.wav Harry: Don’t you snap at me unless you want an angry Solid Gold dancer on your hands.

sgtgeneral_ev.wav Woodman: I didn’t know you were coming to see the show, Governor. Gov: Well you damn well better make it a good one, Sergeant.Woodman: That’s General. Gov: Not if you screw this up.

shampooaliens_ev.wav Kane: Let’s shampoo us some aliens!!

shittingme_ev.wav Gov: You gotta be sh***ingĀ  me.

showmenout_ev.wav Woodman: Lieutenant, show these men out.

showtime_ev.wav Wayne: It’s showtime.

stopnodding_ev.wav Kane: Stop nodding and just stare at me for a second… focus… You understand what I want you to do? Deke: Yeah. We got you. Danny: Yeah. Kane: Go do it.

straightsnakes_ev.wav Gov: Now somebody please take this bag of snakes and lay ’em out straight for me.

thingshappen_ev.wav Fireman: Well, buddy, these things happen.

time2go_ev.wav Gov: Uh oh. Time to go!

troopsinplace_ev.wav Woodman: Are the troops in place?

usgs_ev.wav Kane: You’re an official representative of the USGS? Harry: Signed up over the internet.

usgsfull_ev.wav Kane: You’re an official representative of the USGS? Harry: Signed up over the internet. Kane: What were you on some cheerleader site and you accidentally got linked over to the USGS site? Harry: Something like that.

verygood_ev.wav Woodman: Very good.

whatabout_ev.wav Harry: What the hell was that about?

whatisit_ev.wav Wayne: What is that stuff, anyway?

whatisit2_ev.wav Wayne: What the hell is that thing?

where_ev.wav Kane: Where you takin’ me?

wherebe_ev.wav Kane: If I were a giant, nasty, alien bird in a department store, where would I be?

whiteman_ev.wav Kane: You’ve got to know how to talk to the white man. Harry: The white man about to get his ass whooped. Kane: Very sensitive man, the white man, he doesn’t like to be yelled at.

whoareyou_ev.wav Hey! Now who are you?

whyhere_ev.wav Woodman: Oh no. What is he doing here?

working_ev.wav Kane: It’s workin’

workwithme_ev.wav Harry: Work with me, baby, work with me.