The cross-country adventures of two good-hearted but incredibly stupid friends.

Lloyd Christmas – Jim Carrey, Harry Dunne – Jeff Daniels, Mary Swanson – Lauren Holley

745_dd.wav Mary: So, you’ll pick me up a 7:45? Harry: Well, no, I got a few things to take care of first, but what about quarter to eight? Mary: [giggle] Harry:Okay, 7:45.

accent_dd.wav Lloyd: That’s a lovely accent you have.  New Jersey? Lady: Austria. Lloyd: Austria? Well, then… G’day mate!  Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie. Lady: Let’s not.

annoysound_dd.wav Lloyd: Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? … [very annoying sound]

boot2head_dd.wav [SFX: thumping noise] [scream]

calledher_dd.wav Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

cantbedumber_dd.wav Harry: Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

classy_dd.wav Harry: That’s no problem, Lloyd, we can be classy and sophisitca… Check out the funbags on that hosehound.  Lloyd: I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti.

deadmeat_dd.wav Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you’re chewin’ on a burger, the next minute you’re dead meat

dontcare_dd.wav Lloyd: I don’t CARE!

fart_dd.wav [SFX fart]

givemenumber_dd.wav Harry: Why don’t you tell it to me – I’ve got a really good memory.  Operator: Your number is 5 – 5 – 5… 9 – 0 – 5… no, that’s my number.  That’s funny how your mind just goes blank like that… Harry: For God’s sake, just give me the damn number!

hatedump_dd.wav Lloyd: I’ve had it with this dump! We’ve got no food.  We’ve got no jobs… our pets heads are falling off!!

heartbreak_dd.wav Lloyd: What happened, Harry?  Some little filly break your heart? Harry: No, it was a girl.

ious_dd.wav Where’s all the money? Lloyd: That’s as good as money, sir. Those are I-O-Us.  Go ahead and add it up, every cent’s accounted for.  Look.  See this one?  That’s a car. $275,000… might want to hang on to that one.

jclaff_dd.wav Lloyd laughs

kildfriend_dd.wav Lloyd: You killed my best friend, you BASTARD! Thug: If it’s any consolation, you’re about to be reunited. [gun shots] Lloyd: HARRY! You’re alive… and you’re a horrible shot.

leavescene_dd.wav Lloyd: They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?

likeitalot_dd.wav Lloyd: I like it a lot.

limodriver_dd.wav Lloyd: It’s okay… I’m a limo driver.

nicehooters_dd.wav Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there.

nojobs_dd.wav Harry: There’s not a single job in this town.  Lloyd: Yeah, not unless you want to work 40 hours a week.

oldfeeling_dd.wav Lloyd: The first time I met Mary Swanson, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I’d do anything to bone her. Harry: That’s a special feeling, Lloyd.

pathloser_dd.wav Lloyd: You are one pathetic loser.

pullover_dd.wav Cop: Pull over. Harry: No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing.  Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots, man.

rockier_dd.wav Harry: Huh… I expected the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this. Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing.  That John Denver is full of shit, man.

schoolboy_dd.wav Lloyd: I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

theresachance_dd.wav Lloyd: You mean not good like one in a hundred? Mary: I’d say more like one in a million.  Lloyd: So you’re telling me there’s a chance? YEAH! I read you.

van2dog_dd.wav Harry: I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog.

wayoff_dd.wav Lloyd: I was way off.