Jane Austen’s Emma meets Beverley Hills 90210 in US West Coast teen lifestyle parody.

Cher Horowitz: Alicia Silverstone, Josh Lucas: Paul Rudd, Tai Fraiser: Brittany Murphy, Mel Horowitz (dad): Dan Hedaya

argued.wav Dad: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A- Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion. Are you proud? Dad: Honey, I couldn’t be happier than if they were based on real grades.

as_if.wav Cher: As if.

boys.wav Cher: So, okay, I don’t want to be a traitor my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed, and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair, ew, and cover it up with a backwards cap and we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.

cakeboy.wav Guy: Your man Christian is a cakeboy. Girls: A what? Guy: He’s a disco dancin, Oscar Wilde readin, Barbara Streisand ticket holdin’ friend of Dorothy, you know what I’m sayin?

clogs.wav Dad: So, what’d you do in school today? Cher: Well… I broke in my purple clogs.

clueless.wav Cher: It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion. I was just totally clueless.

clule05.wav Cher: Hello!

cokehere.wav girl1: I could really use some sort of an herbal refreshment. girl2: Oh, well, we do lunch in ten minutes. We don’t have any tea, but we do have Coke & stuff. girl1: No s**t, you guys got Coke here? girl2: Yeah. girl3: Of course. This is America.

dione.wav Cher: Dione and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials.

dressbtr.wav Cher: I suppose it was meant to be, I mean, he does dress better than I do.  What would I bring to the relationship?

hamlet.wav girl1: It’s just like Hamlet said, “to thine own self be true.” girl2: No, Hamlet didn’t say that. girl1: I think that I remember Hamlet accurately. girl2: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately and he didn’t say that. That Polonious guy did.

kentucky.wav Cher: Well, you can guess what happened next… AS IF!! I’m only 16 and this is California, not Kentucky.

loser.wav Cher: A licensed driver with nothing to do? Where would I find such a loser?

meaning.wav Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless a searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

othrpepl.wav Cher: Like that book I read in 9th grade that said ‘Tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.

question.wav Cher: If it’s a concussion you have to keep her conscious, ok, ask her questions. Guy: What’s 7 times 7? Cher: Stuff she knows!

shock.wav Guy: You know, if I ever saw you do anything that wasn’t 90% selfish I’d die of shock. Cher: Oh, that’d be reason enough for me.

shovel.wav Dad: Hey you! Anything happens to my daughter, I have a .45 and a shovel… I doubt anybody would miss you.

slang.wav Murry: Woman, lend me $5 Cher: Murry, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me “woman” Murry: Excuse me, Ms. Dion. Cher: Thank you.Murry: Street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily misogynistic undertone.

sterilzn.wav Cher: I want to do something good for humanity. Guy: How about sterilization?

stimpy.wav Cher: That’s Ren and Stimpy. They are way existential.

timeitis.wav [phone] Cher: Hello? Dad: Do you know what time it is? Cher: A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, daddy. Dad: Where are you? Cher: Just having a snack with my girlfriends. Dad: Where? In Kuwait? Cher: Is that in the valley?