An exclusive golf course has to deal with a brash new member and a destructive dancing gopher.

Ty Webb: Chevy Chase, Al Czervik: Rodney Dangerfield, Judge Smails: Ted Knight, Danny Noonan: Michael O’Keefe, Carl Spackler: Bill Murray, Dr. Beeper: Dan Resin, Lou Loomis: Brian Doyle-Murray (I never would have guessed), Groundskeeper Sandy McFiddish: Thomas A. Carlin

allshewrote.wav Carl: And that’s all she wrote.

badhat.wav Al: Oh, this is the worst lookin’ hat I ever saw.  What, you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?… Oh, it looks good on you, though.

befelectric.wav Al: This your wife? Ooh, lovely lady. You must have been something before electricity, eh?

bestman.wav Groundskeeper: I’ll put my best man on it.

betheball.wav Ty: I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it: Stop thinking, let things happen, and just be… the ball.

bmorecareful.wav Judge: Next time be more careful.

brklikadog.wav Carl: You beast. You savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me.

byheight.wav Judge: What’d you shoot today? Ty: Oh, I don’t keep score, Judge. Judge: How do you measure yourself with other golfers? Ty: By height.

cannonball.wav Carl: Cannonball! Cannonball comin’.

canthandle.wav Danny: I don’t think I can handle that.

cooldrink.wav Carl: How ’bout a nice cool drink… varmints!

coolhorn.wav Rodney Dangerfield’s horn.

detained.wav Carl: I was unavoidably detained.

ditchdiggers.wav Judge: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.

dogfood.wav Al: Tell the cook this is low-grade dog food, alright?

donuthole.wav Ty: A flute with no holes is not a flute. And a donut with no hole is a danish.

eatyoung.wav Al: Boy, I tell ya’ now I know why tigers eat their young.

foodchain.wav Carl: You’re one of the lowest members of the food chain and you’ll probably be replaced by the rat.

funalltime.wav Dr. Beeper: Must be a nice change from dreary, old Manhattan. Lacy: Yes, I was getting really tired of having fun all the time.

getnothing.wav Judge: You’ll get nothing and like it!

going4me.wav Carl: He hauls off an whacks one, big hitter, the Llama… long… into a 10,000 foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Llama says? Caddy: No? Carl: Goonga galoonga. Goonga goongagaloongala. So, we finish 18 and he’s gonna stiff me. And, I say “Hey! Llama! Hey! How about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says “Oh, there won’t be any money. But when you die, on your death bead, you will receive total consciousness.” So, I got that going for me… which is nice.

golferswaiting.wav Lou: Alright, let’s move out. We’ve got golfers waiting.

gravy.wav Carl: This looks like it could be gravy.

hereitis.wav Carl: Here it is!

homes.wav Judge: Don’t you have homes?

hot2day.wav Old guy: Oh, golly, I’m hot today.

inthehole.wav Carl: It’s in the hole!

itsucks_cs.wav Al: Why this whole place sucks! That’s right, it sucks!

killgophers.wav Groundskeeper: I want you to kill every gopher on the course. Carl: Check me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re going to lock me up and throw away the key. Groundskeeper: GOPHERS!  You great git! Not golfers. The little brown, furry rodents. Carl: We can do that.Groundskeeper: Aye. Carl: We don’t even have to have a reason. Groundskeeper: Do it man. Carl: Alright, let’s do the same thing, but with gophers.Groundskeeper: Gah! Carl: It’s not my fault nobody can understand what you’re saying.

kissass.wav Lou: That means the caddy scholarship is open again and anyone who is interested should go see Judge Schmails. Caddy: And kiss his ass. Lou: That would help.

laid.wav Al: Hey, everybody! We’re all going to get laid!

language.wav Judge: How many times have I spoken to you about your language?

leanmean.wav Carl: You’re lean, and you’re mean, and you’re not too far between either, I bet, are you?

letsdance.wav Tony: So what? Al: So what? So, let’s dance!

lovesong.wav Ty: [singing] I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you, but you were born to rub me first.

lumber.wav Danny: I’m going to end up working in a lumber yard the rest of my life. Ty: What’s wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards. Danny: I notice you don’t spend too much time there. Ty: I’m not sure where they are.

menace.wav Judge: The man’s a menace!

nobigdeal.wav Carl: It’s no big deal.

nofight.wav Lou: What’s that sign say!? Caddy: No bare feet. Lou: What’s that sign say? Caddy: no fighting.

onthebeach.wav Tony: Ahhhhhhh s**t. Caddy2: No, no. Nice shot. Right on the beach.

orangeballs.wav Al: Hey! Orange balls! I’ll have a box of those. Give me a box of those naked lady tees. I’ll take 2 of those, six of those…

parkinglot.wav Al: Hey, Wang! What’s with the pictures? It’s a parking lot. Come on, will ya’?

ply4keeps.wav Carl: I guess we’re playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over, eh?

poem.wav Judge: It’s easy to grin, when your ship comes in. And you’ve got the stock market beat. But, the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile. When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

putonwt.wav Al: here you are, kid, park by car, get my bags, and put on some weight, will you.

salami.wav Carl: Wait up girls I’ve got a salami I’ve got to hide still.

slacking.wav Groundskeeper: no more slacking off.

steakmarks.wav Al: I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

steponaduck.wav Al: [fart] whoa, somebody step on a duck?

sucks_cs.wav Al: Why, this whole place sucks. That’s right, it’s sucks!

varmintpt.wav Carl: I smell varmint puntang.

young.wav Al: let’s go! While we’re young!