An airplane crew takes ill. Surely the only person capable of landing the plane is an ex-pilot afraid to fly. But don’t call him Shirley.
Ted Striker: Robert Hays, Elaine Dickinson: Julie Hagerty, Steven McCrosky: Lloyd Bridges, Dr. Rumack: Leslie Nielson, Cpt. Kramer: Robert Stack, Cpt.Oveur: Peter Graves, Johnny: Stephen Stucker
AMPHETIM.WAV – McCrosky: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
AMPHETS.WAV – McCrosky: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
AUNTIEM.WAV – Johnny: AUNTIE EM! TOTO! IT’S A TWISTER! IT’S A TWISTER!
CLRNCVEC.WAV – Roger: We have clearance Clarence. Clarence: Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?
DISCO.WAV – WZAZ in Chicago, where disco lives forever [sound of antenna being ripped off]
DRESS.WAV – Johnny: Where did you get that dress? It’s awwwful! and those shoes, and that coat – geeeeze.
DRINKIN.WAV – McCrosky: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinkin’
EBONICS.WAV – One of the black guys describes what happened to the plane… in jive.
FINGER.WAV – Kramer: Get that finger out of your ear! You don’t know where that dinger’s been.
HOLDMAYO.WAV – Cpt. Oveur: Alright, give me Ham on 5, hold the Mayo.
JIVE.WAV – B. Billingsley: Oh, stewardess. I speak jive.
LASAGNE.WAV – Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight? J. Elaine: Well, we had a choice: steak or fish. Rumack: Yes, I remember, I had lasagne.
LEONLRGR.WAV – Bad news, the fog is getting thicker. Johnny: And Leon’s getting laaaaarrrrrger.
MAYDAY.WAV – Striker: Mayday! McCrosky: Mayday, what the hell is that for? Johnny: Mayday!? Why, that’s the Russian new year. You know, we’ll have a big parade and serve hot hors dervs… [I know it’s misspelled]
MEJOHN.WAV Kramer: Alright, I’ll need three men up in the tower. You, Newbauer – You, Macias. Johnny: Me John, big tree!
NAKED.WAV – Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?
ORIGAMI.WAV – McCrosky: Johnny, what can you make out of this? Johnny: This?… Why, I could make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl…
PANIC.WAV – Striker: Chicago, the passengers are beginning to panic… when do we start down?
RATS.WAV – Striker: Oh, rats!
RDY2TAXI.WAV – Oveur: two-oh-niner to ground control, we’re ready to taxi.
REAGNFLM.WAV – I haven’t felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
SALE.WAV – Kramer: Passengers sure to die! McCrosky: Airline negligent? Johnny: There’s a sale at Penny’s!!
SMOKIN.WAV – McCrosky: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smokin’
SNIFFIN.WAV – McCrosky: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin’ glue.
SURELY.WAV – Striker: Surely you can’t be serious? Rumack: I am serious. And, don’t call me Shirley.
SURELY2.WAV – Striker: Surely there must be something you can do. Rumack: I’m doing everything I can. And stop calling me Shirley.
TOWER.WAV – McCrosky: We’re going to the tower. Johnny: The tower? The tower? Rappunzel!! Rappunzel!! [how DO you spell that, anyway?]
TRUTH.WAV – Elaine: What happened, Ted. What went wrong?
WHTHAPND.WAV – Elaine: What happened, Ted. What went wrong?
WHTPLANE.WAV – Reporter: What kind of plane is it? Johnny: Oh it’s a big, pretty, white plane with red stripes and curtains in the windows, and wheels… it looks like a big Tylenol!