1ARMMAN.WAV “No, it wasn’t me… It was the one-armed man.”

ASSME.WAV ACE: “Excuse me, I’d like to ass you a few questions.”

CABLEGUY.WAV – CABLE GUY!!

CAFFEINE.WAVAce?: Caffein’ll KILL YA!

JERKINYA.WAVCable: I’m just jerkin’ your chain.

LOSER_JC.WAV – Ace: Loo-hoo zah-her.

OHMYGOD_JC.WAVAce: Oh my GOD!

UWANNADO.wavAce: Let’s do all the things that YOU wanna do.

7th-hell.wavLiar: I’ve slipped into the seventh circle of HELL!

angryhi.wavLiar: HI!!

badsex.wavLiar: I’m a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.

barfnoise.wavLiar makes a retching noise.

belowbelt.wavLiar: Ooh, that was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.

canthapn-ll.wavLiar: No no no NO. This can”t HAPPEN!

cantlie.wavLiar: I can’t lie!

clikclak.wavLiar makes a clicking noise.

cmongo-ll.wavLiar: C’mon, we gotta go.

confession.wav – Liar – Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
JC: Depends on how long you were following me… eesh!
Cop: Why don’t we just take it from the top.
JC: Here goes… I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!

contempt.wavLiar: I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT!!

continuance.wavLiar: You Honor, I would like a continuance!

dontask-ll.wavLiar: DON’T ASK! For God’s sake, don’t ask!

gibberish1.wavLiar– Jim talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

gibberish2.wavLiar– Jim talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

gibberish3.wavLiar– Jim talks some gibberish in an effort NOT to lie

godinhevn.wavLiar: GOD in heaven!

good4you-ll.wavLiar: Good fer you!

goodcall.wavLiar: Good call!

gotagobye-ll.wavLiar: Uh, no, gotta go!… Goodbye.

help-ll.wavLiar: HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!

heycreepy.wavLiar: Hey, creepy

holyhell.wavLiar: Holy hell!!

hwmchass.wavLiar: Awwwww, how much ass do I have to kiss to make PARTNER around this place?

imagedel.wavLiar: Wow, that was a nice image… <click clack> DELETED!

imjosecon.wavLiar: I’m Jose Conseco!! I’M JOOSSSEEE COOONNNNSSSEEEEEECCCOOOOOOOO!

inconsid.wavLiar: I’M AN INCONSIDERATE PRICK!!!!!

kiknmyass.wav – Liar – Guy: What the hell are you doing?
JC: I’m kickin’ my ASS! DO YOU MIND??!!

no-ll.wavLiar: NOOO!

notall.wav – Liar – Cop: Is that all?
JC (gritting his teeth): no…

noweakrsex.wavLiar: There’s NOOOOOOOOOOOOO such thing as a weaker sex!

objection-ll.wav – Liar – Swoosie Kurtz: Your honor, I object!
JC: You would!
SK: BASTARD!
JC: HAG!
Judge: QUIET!!

ocmon-ll.wavLiar: Oh, COMEON!

owie.wavLiar: OOOWWWIE!!

phaseout.wavLiar: My plan to phase myself out is almost complete.

phonecall-ll.wavLiar: PHONE CALL!! Phone call. I get a phone call!! I GOT A PHONE CALL!!!

razz.wav – If I could spell it, I would

scream2-ll.wavLiar– JC screams

scream-ll.wavLiar– JC screams again

sqlsplat.wavLiar– Squeal and a splat

suchashit.wavLiar: Oh, I’m such a SHIT!

thankgod-ll.wavLiar: Oh, thank GOD!

thegame.wavLiar: Jordan fades back… swish!… it’s good, and THAT’S THE GAME!

truthfree.wavLiar: And the truth shall set you free!!!

willpower.wavLiar: Alright, you can beat this.  It’s all – a – matter – of – willpower!

wreckday.wavLiar(Mighty Mouse theme): Here she comes to wreck the daaaayyyy!

wrongwthme.wavLiar: What’s wrong with me??

yourevictim.wavLiar: You’re the victim here

carreywav.zip – Download ALL of the sounds from this page in one convenient zip file.